Late 20’s and still single

Friday, 30 December 2011 10:22

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Why more and more women in their late 20’s prefer to stay single? Is it the new fashion in town? Or is it because they are uncertain of commitments or they are more career oriented. Most of my friends are in their late 20’s and also have successful career, Most of them are either single or divorced. Off course they do get into relationships but none serious, as they are too busy to look for that ‘True love’ so they would prefer to have short flings rather than chasing a wild goose. According to this single group of women definition of marriage has changed over the years, has it really?

Now a day’s not only women but even men have different priorities when it comes to marriage, gone are the days when men looked for beautiful wife and women looked for rich husband. They both look for space whether it’s just a relationship or marriage. They have their own social circle to socialize and prefer it that ways. None wants to depend on one another either financially or emotionally; it has become more of a business contract wherein you marry because people around you are getting married, having children and just because you need financial security.

I will be turning 27 in a month’s time and people ask me when I am getting married and I say I don’t know, am kind of not ready yet. I was myself in a 3 year long relationship and thought him as my world but as time passed we realized we wanted different things in life and I never looked back. My priorities changed and I thought the same as other singles in town, there is no such thing called ‘True Love’. I have a very supportive group of friends and it never really occurred to me how important having a husband is. I have always been a career oriented person, after my 3 year relationship broke, I met great men in my life but I always chose career over them and closed the doors for marriage.

The other reason I have been skeptical about marriage is because I have seen my friend’s having hard break up and worse getting divorced at a very early stage of their marriage. Many married couples find it hard to keep the passion alive in their relationship, the major factor being their less passionate sex lives after marriage. There are other factors as well that torn the marriage between two individual apart like work and social life but Physical intimacy plays a very important part to hold any marriage together, especially when you can’t get it elsewhere. So how important is sex to a marriage to make it last forever. Off course sex is not the only road to successful marriage but studies have proven that active sex life keeps couples together, Says Dr Geoff Hackett, an expert in sexual science.

I recently met a friend for lunch that got divorced last year and has dated few men since then. One of the reason’s she got divorced was lack of physical intimacy left in her 5 year marriage. According to her, they had great sex life till the first year of their marriage and then slowly it was dwindling. Other reasons being, she hardly had a say in her marriage, her husband was a completely different person from the one she met. He dominated her and always told her what she can do and what she can’t. It was suffocating her, she felt like a prison in her own house and one day she had to call it off. They have a daughter together, who now lives with her. She is still in touch with her ex-husband because of their daughter and she says it’s much better the way it is now. I can see the difference in her, she looks much happier then she was, when married and has also proven to be a good mother. When asked if she would marry again, she says she would prefer to be single and would not think of getting married again. Was being married so stressful for her because she was a working woman who spoke her mind? I have asked that question me many times, could I have achieved what I have achieved if I was married. Contrary to this, there are still quite a lot of married women who have achieved great success despite of being married and having children. Would I have the same freedom if I was married?

One of the best things about being single is the freedom to do what so ever that please you and that’s something that my married friends miss. They tell me there are lots of things you can’t do or you just don’t do it because you are married and then theirs kids involved. Marriage can be wonderful but it does come with limitations. Meeting friends and having one of those late nights is out of question for married couples because you have a partner and household. Even meeting an old male friend with the best intentions after marriage can send some wrong vibes and vice a versa.

Being single is not a problem when you are in your teens or in your early 20’s, problem starts when you reach your late 20’s. Am quite often patronized by my married friend, they keep telling me, ‘you should find yourself a husband before all the good men are taken and only the bad ones are left.’

Singlism is not a problem in big cities like London and New York but it is still a big sin when you live in one of the third world country though it has started to change as women are more career focused. They can be seen holding high positions in banking sector, government jobs and so on, they are financially independent. Women are seeking satisfaction in their career before getting married and starting a family life.

I have never seen me being a single woman as a problem but my family and friends think it is. And I know they judge me and even pity me for not being one of them and it isn’t helping. They can’t believe that am living a happy life no matter how strong the evidence is. I have so far enjoyed my life to the fullest to worry about having a husband.

To me the perfect marriage is just a flight of the imagination. Everything seems rosy in the start but as time passes things gets messy. Off course that does not mean am putting all the blame on men neither am against marriage. I have come across many couples who would not swap their married life for anything. It’s just that time has changed over the period and women and men both want more from their life and not just a certificate to say they are married. Every marriage has issues but it’s up to the couples if they are prepared to stand together and resolve those issues, would it be worth it? I would certainly want to get married at one point of my life but not because I feel pressured to do so or because the biological clock is ticking but when I am ready, when I know I can put my 100% and make it last forever no matter what comes.